Saturday, December 4, 2010

We were doomed from the start

Whether I'm lying in bed or sitting on an empty bus, being alone with my thoughts is the worst.
I have came to a conclusion and accepted the fact that I will be alone for a long time.
Reasons to support this: 
- I haven't dated, ever. My last 'boyfriend' was almost 4 years ago and it was at a shitty time in my life. I got dumped 3 weeks into the relationship.
- I'm not dating material.
- I'm too picky. Anyone I have feelings for is too good for me.
- When someone likes me back, I tend to focus on their flaws and force myself to stop talking to them. (subconsciously)
- When I ever get intimate with someone, I get extremely self-consious and I don't enjoy it.

Why I'm okay with this: 
- When I fall for someone, my emotions go overboard and I go crazy. If they like someone else, I get really depressed. So I'd rather not like anyone and have a stable mind set.
- As long as I have a cat to cuddle with, I don't need anyone else.

There should be more reasons for why I'm okay with being alone, but the first one's pretty solid.

Hate list.

I hate my body. - My body is the main cause of me feeling shitty. I would be happier if I was skinny but it is so hard to lose weight. 

I hate how I need to wear make up to feel pretty. - It's true. I look gorgeous when I'm all done up, but when I don't have any make up on I'm so ugly. 

I hate my hair. - It's boring, flat, thin, damaged. 

I hate my family. - So much drama. My mom fucks everything up. 

I hate alcohol. - Turns people into monsters and causes them to make bad decisions.

I hate drugs. ^^ 

I hate St. Catharines. - No friends here. Some people will say otherwise, but I disagree. 

I hate relationships. - I'm better off alone. 

I hate my mind. - I feel like there's two people living inside me.

I hate myself. - For many reasons.